One more time

Just one more time, one more chance
I promise I will change, I can change
One more film, one more book, one more sip
One more pill, one last time, one last chance
I say it so often, it’s become my mantra
Every Sunday as I walk through the aisle to his altar
My heart constricts as I remember my sins
My tongue clogged by shame and guilt
No words Father, please shed this filth
I will do better , I promise I will
So just tears flow
Maybe this week will be different
I will be good
But the cycle continues


I want to give up but I feel his spirit convicts me
Reminding me daily of how his grace felt
Intoxicating like washing my essence with strong perfume
Consuming like wild fire that leaves nothing but ashes in its path
Serene like the smell of rain on sand that washes my senses
Yet I hear voices, like a congregation of doubt, they place thoughts in my head
Making false promises to go away with just one sip of wine
With just one night with a stranger
And though the words I whispered at dawn floats through my mind
My weak flesh triumphs and once again I fall
And the cycle continues


However my greatest fear
Is that one day he would tire of me
That was before I gained knowledge
Before I understood the merge
Where his spirit collides with mine
And his grace is sufficient
That was before I knew how he forgives
That I simply had to ask
That my guilt was unnecessary
That I simply should submit to God and resist the devil
That was when the cycle stopped


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